Stay At Home Teacher

I'm working from home this week.

Heck.  I'm working from home for the foreseeable future.

I'm a teacher.  I don't work from home.

I belong in my classroom with a room full of sassy 7th graders.

This week is about making phone calls to families of my students and waiting for information about what distance learning will look like next week.

I feel lost.

I want to start planning and preparing so that I can give my students the best possible lessons from distance next week.  But I don't know if I should plan paper lessons, digital lessons, or both.

So I'm just sitting here feeling lost.

Not much motivation to do anything.

On the bright side...working from home has allowed me slow mornings to spend time in the Word.

I'm currently doing a study from The Daily Grace Co.

I'm seeing God's faithfulness to his people.

And I can't even begin to tell you the good that does for my heart.

God is working behind the scenes in ways we can't even imagine.

Trust

And I say, "Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest;

yes, I would wander far away; 

I would lodge in the wilderness; 

I would hurry to find a shelter from the raging wind and tempest."

Psalm 55:6-8

Much like David wanted to run away from his enemy, there are many days I want to run away from infertility.  I want it to just be over.  Some days that's a desire to finally hold my baby in my arms and some days it's a desire for the longing for a baby to disappear, to be content and no longer have that desire to hold a baby.

But.

Later in that very same Psalm David says "But I will trust in you." (verse 23)

Father, I trust you.  I trust you today when I'm feeling hopeful and I trust on on those days when the pain feels more than I can bear and I want to run away from it all.  I trust you because no one loves me more. 

No one loves you more than your Heavenly Father.

Trust him.

THIS child

A few weeks ago I began a new devotional called  Infertility Encouragement from Sarah's Laughter.  I've really been enjoying it.  

Tuesday's devotional was especially encouraging to me.

I want to share it with you.

I asked the Lord to give me this child, and he granted my request.

1 Samuel 1:27

Oh, how I wish there were video cameras in Hannah's day.  As much as I love to read Hannah's words, I would really love to watch her tell her story.  I'd love to hear her petitions to the Almighty.  I'd love to see her face when she told Eli the priest that she wasn't drunk, but heartbroken.  Most of all, I'd want to eavesdrop when she brought her God-sent son back to that same priest and dedicated him to the Lord.  I'd ask you to watch that video today.

I'd ask you to fast forward to Hannah holding her precious baby boy in her arms, saying: "For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted what I asked of Him..." I'd ask you to start over and watch it again.  And again.  "For this child I prayed..."  I can't help but believe if we could hear Hannah's voice when she said these words, we might just hear her put her passionate emphasis on the word this.  "For THIS child I prayed..."

The waiting is hard.  You simply want a baby.  You don't care whether it's a boy or a girl, or born at the perfect time of year.  You just want a healthy baby.  You cry out to God with everything in you to let this month be the month.  Anybody who has ever gone through infertility would understand.

But listen to Hannah.  "For this child I prayed."  What she didn't realize all those years - as she was weeping and crying out to God for a baby - was that every tear and every prayer was for Samuel.  For this child I prayed.  It must have all come together the moment she saw his face.  "Oh, I understand.  It was for this child I prayed and waited.  Not another!  He was so worth it!"

If Hannah had conceived when she first desired a child, that child would not have been Samuel.  There's no way she could have realized the specific child she was praying for, but God knew.  Similarly, God has a specific purpose and plan for your infertility.  It is our prayer that one day, just as you have wept with Hannah, you will join with her in saying, "For this child I prayed, and God has granted what I asked of Him."

Bible Journaling 101

Bible journaling seems to be all the rage these days.

Everyone is doing it so of course I jumped on the bandwagon.

I was scared to start it.

I am not an artist by any means.

I mean I can't draw a straight line with a ruler.

Seriously.

I let my brother have all the artistic genes because I'm just a nice sister like that.

I think my fear was the same as a lot of people's before starting.

What if I mess up and ruin the page?

Well let me just go ahead and show you my favorite tool for Bible journaling.

A white eraser....and yes I think it's important that it is white.  This minimizes any eraser residue left behind.

I have to admit I was still nervous even with an eraser in hand.

I'm a bit crazy about my handwriting and erasers.

I would rather just start over than to erase something.  You can always slightly see what it is you erased.

I was the person in high school who would take notes in Physical Science only to go home and rewrite them so they were nice and neat.  If you had Physical Science with Mr. Smith you know how crazy this is.  We took PAGES and PAGES of notes each day.  

Back to the topic at hand...

I want you to know you do not have to be an artist or even have beautiful calligraphy style handwriting to journal in your Bible.

Before buying anything I spent several hours looking on Pinterest at all the beautiful Pinterest-worthy pages and the supplies people used to create them.

As it is with most things, Pinterest can make Bible journaling seem like a daunting task while at the same time inspiring you to try it out.

Let me tell you what Bible journaling is not.

It is not about creating Pinterest-worthy pages with calligraphy style handwriting.

It IS about spending time with God.

It IS about mediating on the Word.

And that's what I remind myself every time I sit down to Bible journal.

It doesn't have to be perfect.

You don't need to be able to create a masterpiece.

You just need the right heart attitude.

Getting started doesn't have to be overwhelming either.  

I started by purchasing a journaling Bible.

I did not do any research before purchasing this.  I was in Barnes and Noble with a gift card (thanks Alexis and Waylon) and didn't want to wait.  I got lucky.  It seems like this is a popular version to use.

This was our last stop before driving home so I didn't get to go buy lots of fun supplies at Hobby Lobby.  

My bank account is thankful for that.

It was late when we got home but at that point I was all excited so I drove to Wal-Mart for some basic supplies.

Twistable Colored Pencils....not my favorite.  I definitely prefer just regular colored pencils, however these are nice for blending and shading.

Sharpie Pen Stylo...these are working great.  They don't bleed through the page.  I am excited about trying some different pens with different tips though.

Sharpie Highlighers....These work great and do not bleed through.  I love having such a variety of colors.  I'm making myself a key as I go....pink is to highlight verses specifically for women/wives, purple highlight's verses on God's character, and blue is for what my life should look like.  As I continue to study and journal I will continue to add to this.

Pencils....I do everything in pencil first!  And I typically do it on scratch paper before trying it in my Bible.  

Watercolors...I used these on the first page I did.  I HATE how it turned out.  Maybe I'm just not skilled in watercolors but these did not work well for me.  Not to mention they bled through BIG TIME. I will not be using them again.  

In my research I read that the easiest way to get started is to pick a verse that you are familiar with but isn't necessary your favorite.  You want familiarity so that you can easily envision what you want it to look like, but you don't want to pick a favorite because it might be very challenging to include everything that verse means to you.

This has been probably the most helpful thing I've read in getting started.

Here are a few verses that I have done.

 (See that banner..I may have googled how to draw that and then had to practice a few times.  I am not an artist.)

I'm enjoying playing with new lettering styles.  I have been watching how to videos on calligraphy.  I want to buy some fun pens and try that out soon.

This has been a great stress reliever for me. I love spending time in the Word and allowing God to bring it to life in a new way for me.

SSMT: Verse Five - Love

Love.

That words seems to be on repeat in my mind.

And not in a I love everything and everyone around me kind of way.

But in a God telling me I don't understand what it means to love people the way He loves people kind of way.

A step on your toes and make you cringe kind of way.

It's a word I've really been thinking about studying lately.

What is love?

1 Corinthians 13 tell us

That's a pretty serious definition.

That is a God kind of love right there.

My mother-in-law bought me a journal for my birthday several years ago.  At the time I was using a journal I already had so this new journal got put on my shelf.  

(I might be a collector of journals.)

I pulled it out a few days ago and pleased to remember that it has topics of study in the front.

One of which was...

You guessed it.

Love.

My fifth memory verse for the Siesta Sister Memory Team comes from my study on Love.  

Why Did You Doubt?

Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds.  And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray.  When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat by this time was a long way from the land, beaten by the waves, for the wind was against them.  And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea.  But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, "It is a ghost!" and they cried out in fear. 

 But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying,

"Take heart; it is I.  Do not be afraid."

And Peter answered him, "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water."  

He said, "Come."

So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me."  Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, 

"O you of little faith, why did you doubt?"

And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.  And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."



Matthew 14:22-31

How often I am like Peter - wanting proof that God is who he says he is.  And then momentarily believing only to be scared by another negative pregnancy test or another monthly cycle.

And then I find myself doubting again.

God is calling me to have faith, to have confidence in him.  He is calling me to believe that he will reach out and take my hand just like he did with Peter.  He is calling me to believe he is who he says he is despite my circumstances.

God is bigger than my circumstances.  

What Makes A Good Wife?

What makes a woman a good wife?

According to listdose.com there are ten qualities that a woman must have to be a good wife

10. Quit Nagging

9. Look Good, Charm Him

8. Be Unpredictable, Surprise Him Often

7. Organize the House, Be a Good Maid

6. All the Pleasant Qualities, Be Kind

5. A Guy Needs His Space

4. Sexual Intimacy is Important Too

3. Don't Hide Your Love

2. Be Open With Your Feelings

1. Compatibility

What if you only possess 9 of the above 10 qualities?  Are you still a good wife?

What if you only possess half of the qualities?  Or just one of the qualities?

Is being a good wife even one of your goals?

Have you ever watched the movie Courageous?  If not I highly recommend it.  Just be sure you have a box of tissue close by.  Maybe even two boxes. 

There are two lines in the trailor that stick out to me.

 "I want to know what God expects of me"

"I don't want to be a good enough father"

The qualities above of a good wife are great.  Nothing on the list is a bad quality to possess.  But I think they make a good enough wife.  

The main character in Courageous doesn't want to be a good enough father.

Well I don't want to be a good enough wife. 

I want to be the best possible wife I can be.

I want to be the wife God has called me to be.

I want to know what God expects of me.

We are blessed.

We don't have to guess at what makes a good wife.  We don't have to go by some bogus list that comes up in a google search.

God tells us exactly how to be a good wife in his Word.

This quote jumped off the page at me last night as I was reading in Wife After God.

I was reminded that in and of myself I can only be a good enough wife.  I can't be the best wife possible without letting God in my marriage.

I have to be willing to let God mold me into what He wants me to be.  

He is the potter.  I'm just the clay. 

(Isaiah 64:8)

Each day's devotional in this book starts with scripture.  I always write the verses in my own words in my journal.

Last night I felt like God was telling me to go a step further.  To make it personal.  

So I wrote the verses like this.

Andrew can trust me.  I will greatly enrich his life.  I will bring him good, not harm all the days of my life.  

Proverbs 31:11-12

I will not get tired of doing what is good.  I will reap a harvest at just the right time. 

Galatians 6:9

I must accept Andrew's authority so that I might be an example to others.  

1 Peter 3:1-2

Wow!  Talk about being powerful.  Making the scripture about Andrew & me? 

 That's personal.  

That's real!

My verse & prayer for 2014 comes from the book of James.

I want 2014 to be the year where I'm closer to God than I've ever been.  I'm believing Him when he says he will draw near to me.  I pray that as I draw near He will show me how to be more than a good enough wife.  

Preparing for Christmas

I know it is cliché to say this, but this year is flying by.  I cannot believe it is already December.  Only three weeks of school until Christmas break.  That little fact made it a little easier to get up and return to the real world this morning.

I set my alarm for five this morning because I had several things I needed to do before school.  I’m so used to waking up late that I convinced myself I was running late this morning.  I was rushing around revising my to do list because I knew there was no way I had time to accomplish everything I needed to accomplish.  As I was walking out the door I realized I still had an hour to spare.  Oops!! 

We pulled all of our Christmas décor out of the basement Saturday.  I separated branches into their respected piles and that is as far as we’ve gotten.  I wanted Andrew to help me, but he hasn’t felt well the past couple of days.  Yesterday I ended up laying on the couch watching Christmas movies on Lifetime all day.  It was a nice little break after all the hustle and bustle of Thanksgiving.  I plan to crank up the Christmas music and finish the tree tonight.

I started an Advent Bible study yesterday that will lead up to Christmas day.  I really want to prepare my heart for Christmas this year.  I want to avoid the stress and commercialism of it all and focus on the true meaning.  The birth of Jesus was such a precious gift to us and I don’t want to forget that.  The Bible study is one of the plans in You Version.  If you don’t have that app you need to get it.  It’s wonderful.  The plan is called Rediscovering the Christmas Season.  I have read the Christmas story many times, but I’m praying God will show me something different this year. 

My Own Test

Two months ago today Liberty & Liam disappeared from our backyard when a picket fell off our fence.  It was not a good day.  Many tears were shed.  At the time, Andrew was on a vacation visiting with high school friends along the east coast.  Shortly after he came home, Liberty found her way home.  Two days later I left to take a group of students to Washington D.C. for four days.     Liam is still out there somewhere.  School came to an end which means a crazy time for me.

I allowed Satan to convince me to use the craziness that was our life for a couple of months as an excuse to walk away from God.  I wasn't angry at God and I didn't purposefully walk away from Him.  But I did put him at the bottom of my priority list.  I wasn't communicating with him.  I wasn't spending time in the Word.  I wasn't spending much time in prayer other than to ask for things I wanted.  I wasn't going to church.  

Let me just tell you, once you know the Lord and live life with Him, to live life without Him is miserable.  It was just in the last couple of weeks that I realized how little time I was spending on my relationship with the Lord.  I'm thankful he gave me a desire to work on that relationship.

I'm back in church and I don't know that I've enjoyed it this much since I first accepted Christ as my Savior.  I am falling in love with Him all over again and loving every minute of it.  I just want to share His love and what He has done for me with everyone I know.

I signed up for a Bible study at our church this summer.  At first I was torn between two different studies: one at church - the other with my sister-in-law and a group of ladies she knows.  I prayed about it and really felt God was pointing me in the direction of the one at church.  It is The Inheritance by Beth Moore.  If you have ever listened to Beth Moore speak, you know how good she is.  For the past two Tuesday evenings, I've been in tears because I've felt such a deep thankfulness for my Lord and His love for me.

Beth has shared so many things that I want to share.  Last night we spent the majority of our time in Genesis 22 where God ask Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac.  

Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!”

Beth pointed out that God called Abraham by his name.  When I'm being tested, He calls me by name.  He says, "Elaina, here is your test."  Unfortunately he doesn't say it that clear.  But I don't share my test with anyone else.

The Bible tells us that our husbands are the head of our household and as wives we are to submit to our husbands.  

Sometimes this seems so simple to me.  I'm blessed with a husband who knows the Lord and wants what is best for me and our family.  

That in its own way creates a challenge for me all to often.

I find that I don't always take responsibility for my own relationship with God.  I depend on Andrew to take care of that for me.  But it's not his job.  That is not at all what God meant by saying men were to lead their families.

My relationship with God is mine.  No one else's.  My test are my own.  Andrew's test are his own.  That's not to say we will never be tested in the same area, but just because my husband is being tested doesn't mean I am being tested in that same area at that exact time.

I'm stilling learning the difference between submitting to my husband and allowing him to lead while at the same time taking responsibility for my relationship with God and listening to what He calls me to do.

Andrew and I work in two separate places.  Though we are one in marriage, we have our own separate little worlds where we called to be lights.  Andrew can't witness for me to my coworkers or my students or the parents that I'm in contact with.  God called me to do that.  I'm responsible for me.

I want to leave you with a verse that I came across in my quiet time a few days ago.  I'm not sure why but it has really stuck with me.

Our lives are in his hands, and he keeps our feet from stumbling.   

Psalm 66:9