I Still Smile

I was driving around town this afternoon when it hit me.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day.

I mean I knew that.  

I have been thinking about it in regards to my own momma.

But as I was driving around town the thought that hit me was that tomorrow is Mother's Day and I'm okay.  I'm not in a puddle of tears.

Three hours, a pregnancy announcement on social media, and someone posting about losing their baby later..

I'm not as okay.

But I still smile because I am a momma to Jayden.

I remember every second of those twelve weeks so vividly it's unlike any other memories I have.

And I smile.

Do I question if I will ever be pregnant again?

Yes.

Do I have misplaced anger over my circumstances that do not appear to be changing?

Yes.

Do I still constantly daydream about another pregnancy and all the joy that comes with that?

Yes.

Is my God still good?

Yes!

Is my God still faithful?

Yes!

So I still smile and move forward.

Quarantine Life

What I'm about to write will come as no shock to anyone reading this now.

But I want to be able to look back years from now and remember what life was like during 2020.

I want to remember quarantine life.

So here we go...

I haven't seen my students or taught them anything face to face since March 12.

I've learned that I don't like teaching online nearly as much as I thought I would.

Andrew hasn't been to work since March 24.

Gas is hovering around one dollar per gallon.

But I'm not taking advantage of that.

I haven't gotten gas since March 18 and I still have almost a full tank.

My car doesn't need gas because I haven't left my house since... well I don't really remember.

I drove my car the other day because I couldn't remember the last time I had driven anywhere.

Andrew goes to the store for us about every other week.

Zoom meetings seem to consume my weeks.

I'm not a fan of them and if  I never have another Zoom meeting again, it will be too soon.

We stay up until two or three in the morning every night and sleep til eleven every morning.

I've finished the third season of The Crown, the eighth season of Call The Midwife, all of All American, and all of Love is Blind.

Now I spend the days watching planner videos on YouTube.

And then I do some online planner shopping.

I'll be ready when life returns to normal.

Except that I'm not sure I even remember how to wear makeup or put on pants that button.

The LBs....well they are living their best life having both humans home all day every day.

Thankful Thursday - Happy Birthday

I'm thankful you make me laugh like no one else can.

I'm thankful for your servant's hearts.  You are an example to me and all those who know you.

I'm thankful you support and encourage my dreams pushing me beyond my comfort zone.

I'm thankful you are quick to forgive.

I'm thankful for your adventurous spirit and love of travel.

I'm thankful you are almost always up for a good selfie.

Andrew Weaver, you are my favorite human! 

Happy Birthday!

Love you with my whole heart!

Thankful Thursday - We're Going Home

Andrew and I have enjoyed our time in Missouri.

We met some of our very best friends here.

I will forever be thankful that Andrew and Eric met in our backyard and decided we should all be friends.  I love the people in this picture with all my heart.  We have all laughed together and cried together.

It broke our hearts when they moved almost a year ago.

Missouri hasn't been the same.

And now it is our turn to leave Missouri.

Andrew and I have been talking about and praying about moving home to Arkansas for a while now.

We discussed different parts of Arkansas and have landed on Central Arkansas.

We will moving back this summer. 

I am thankful to be moving home and all the adventures that is going to include for us.

Stay At Home Teacher

I'm working from home this week.

Heck.  I'm working from home for the foreseeable future.

I'm a teacher.  I don't work from home.

I belong in my classroom with a room full of sassy 7th graders.

This week is about making phone calls to families of my students and waiting for information about what distance learning will look like next week.

I feel lost.

I want to start planning and preparing so that I can give my students the best possible lessons from distance next week.  But I don't know if I should plan paper lessons, digital lessons, or both.

So I'm just sitting here feeling lost.

Not much motivation to do anything.

On the bright side...working from home has allowed me slow mornings to spend time in the Word.

I'm currently doing a study from The Daily Grace Co.

I'm seeing God's faithfulness to his people.

And I can't even begin to tell you the good that does for my heart.

God is working behind the scenes in ways we can't even imagine.

Thankful Thursday

It's Thursday...I think.

I am on Spring Break this week and have completely lost track of anything related to a calendar. 

Throw in the fact that school is closed through April 3 due to Covid 19 and I'm really confused about dates.

But I will say I'm thankful for my slow mornings and time off work right now.

I'm also thankful that I will return to work on Monday to start planning distance learning for my students.  We may be limited to online interactions but it is better than nothing.

This week I've tried to find the perfect balance between cuddling the LBs, reading for pleasure (because research paper is basically finished), and being productive.

Andrew and I have spent the past couple of nights going through all the things in our giant storage unit.  It feels so good to be purging and simplifying life.  I am thankful that we have been able to make good progress and should have our storage unit emptied by the end of this month.

We have done our best to keep some normalcy to life while the world feels uncertain and chaotic.  Andrew has said multiple times in the past few days that we live in the best country.  And he is right.  I am thankful to live in the United States where even during a pandemic I can go to the grocery store and purchase food.  I may not be able to purchase toilet paper, but I can purchase food and other necessities. 

And even more than that I'm thankful to have a Father that is still on His throne.  He is still in control.  He has always provided and will continue to do so. 

My brother-in-law posted this on social media yesterday...

Everything is out of control, right?

Sun still setting in the west.  God still painting across the horizon.  Be you a dollar it rises in the east tomorrow, and if not, I AM READY. So stop, take a minute, wash your hands, hug your kids, read your Bible, lookout for your neighbor, and breathe.  God knows and cares.

I'd say my brother-in-law is a pretty wise guy. :)

Thankful Thursday Ten

1. The days are longer and I'm waking up to the sound of birds singing.

2. There are only 5 school days left until Spring Break.

3. It's March which means it is time for the Weaver Fam Bracket Challenge - one of my favorite things.

3. My first time presenting went very well.

4. My family and friends prayed me through that presentation.

5. I received the sweetest note from a student last week.

6.  I'm going to be able to spread my last two grad school classes out so my fall should be much easier to manage.

7. We've made some good progress on cleaning out our storage unit.

8.  I was able to spend a little bit of time outside soaking up the sun today.

9.  We are hanging out with some dear friends tomorrow evening.

10. We have a quick trip to Arkansas coming up soon which means family time.