I Still Smile

I was driving around town this afternoon when it hit me.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day.

I mean I knew that.  

I have been thinking about it in regards to my own momma.

But as I was driving around town the thought that hit me was that tomorrow is Mother's Day and I'm okay.  I'm not in a puddle of tears.

Three hours, a pregnancy announcement on social media, and someone posting about losing their baby later..

I'm not as okay.

But I still smile because I am a momma to Jayden.

I remember every second of those twelve weeks so vividly it's unlike any other memories I have.

And I smile.

Do I question if I will ever be pregnant again?

Yes.

Do I have misplaced anger over my circumstances that do not appear to be changing?

Yes.

Do I still constantly daydream about another pregnancy and all the joy that comes with that?

Yes.

Is my God still good?

Yes!

Is my God still faithful?

Yes!

So I still smile and move forward.

Quarantine Life

What I'm about to write will come as no shock to anyone reading this now.

But I want to be able to look back years from now and remember what life was like during 2020.

I want to remember quarantine life.

So here we go...

I haven't seen my students or taught them anything face to face since March 12.

I've learned that I don't like teaching online nearly as much as I thought I would.

Andrew hasn't been to work since March 24.

Gas is hovering around one dollar per gallon.

But I'm not taking advantage of that.

I haven't gotten gas since March 18 and I still have almost a full tank.

My car doesn't need gas because I haven't left my house since... well I don't really remember.

I drove my car the other day because I couldn't remember the last time I had driven anywhere.

Andrew goes to the store for us about every other week.

Zoom meetings seem to consume my weeks.

I'm not a fan of them and if  I never have another Zoom meeting again, it will be too soon.

We stay up until two or three in the morning every night and sleep til eleven every morning.

I've finished the third season of The Crown, the eighth season of Call The Midwife, all of All American, and all of Love is Blind.

Now I spend the days watching planner videos on YouTube.

And then I do some online planner shopping.

I'll be ready when life returns to normal.

Except that I'm not sure I even remember how to wear makeup or put on pants that button.

The LBs....well they are living their best life having both humans home all day every day.

Thankful Thursday - Happy Birthday

I'm thankful you make me laugh like no one else can.

I'm thankful for your servant's hearts.  You are an example to me and all those who know you.

I'm thankful you support and encourage my dreams pushing me beyond my comfort zone.

I'm thankful you are quick to forgive.

I'm thankful for your adventurous spirit and love of travel.

I'm thankful you are almost always up for a good selfie.

Andrew Weaver, you are my favorite human! 

Happy Birthday!

Love you with my whole heart!

Thankful Thursday - We're Going Home

Andrew and I have enjoyed our time in Missouri.

We met some of our very best friends here.

I will forever be thankful that Andrew and Eric met in our backyard and decided we should all be friends.  I love the people in this picture with all my heart.  We have all laughed together and cried together.

It broke our hearts when they moved almost a year ago.

Missouri hasn't been the same.

And now it is our turn to leave Missouri.

Andrew and I have been talking about and praying about moving home to Arkansas for a while now.

We discussed different parts of Arkansas and have landed on Central Arkansas.

We will moving back this summer. 

I am thankful to be moving home and all the adventures that is going to include for us.

Stay At Home Teacher

I'm working from home this week.

Heck.  I'm working from home for the foreseeable future.

I'm a teacher.  I don't work from home.

I belong in my classroom with a room full of sassy 7th graders.

This week is about making phone calls to families of my students and waiting for information about what distance learning will look like next week.

I feel lost.

I want to start planning and preparing so that I can give my students the best possible lessons from distance next week.  But I don't know if I should plan paper lessons, digital lessons, or both.

So I'm just sitting here feeling lost.

Not much motivation to do anything.

On the bright side...working from home has allowed me slow mornings to spend time in the Word.

I'm currently doing a study from The Daily Grace Co.

I'm seeing God's faithfulness to his people.

And I can't even begin to tell you the good that does for my heart.

God is working behind the scenes in ways we can't even imagine.

Thankful Thursday

It's Thursday...I think.

I am on Spring Break this week and have completely lost track of anything related to a calendar. 

Throw in the fact that school is closed through April 3 due to Covid 19 and I'm really confused about dates.

But I will say I'm thankful for my slow mornings and time off work right now.

I'm also thankful that I will return to work on Monday to start planning distance learning for my students.  We may be limited to online interactions but it is better than nothing.

This week I've tried to find the perfect balance between cuddling the LBs, reading for pleasure (because research paper is basically finished), and being productive.

Andrew and I have spent the past couple of nights going through all the things in our giant storage unit.  It feels so good to be purging and simplifying life.  I am thankful that we have been able to make good progress and should have our storage unit emptied by the end of this month.

We have done our best to keep some normalcy to life while the world feels uncertain and chaotic.  Andrew has said multiple times in the past few days that we live in the best country.  And he is right.  I am thankful to live in the United States where even during a pandemic I can go to the grocery store and purchase food.  I may not be able to purchase toilet paper, but I can purchase food and other necessities. 

And even more than that I'm thankful to have a Father that is still on His throne.  He is still in control.  He has always provided and will continue to do so. 

My brother-in-law posted this on social media yesterday...

Everything is out of control, right?

Sun still setting in the west.  God still painting across the horizon.  Be you a dollar it rises in the east tomorrow, and if not, I AM READY. So stop, take a minute, wash your hands, hug your kids, read your Bible, lookout for your neighbor, and breathe.  God knows and cares.

I'd say my brother-in-law is a pretty wise guy. :)

Thankful Thursday Ten

1. The days are longer and I'm waking up to the sound of birds singing.

2. There are only 5 school days left until Spring Break.

3. It's March which means it is time for the Weaver Fam Bracket Challenge - one of my favorite things.

3. My first time presenting went very well.

4. My family and friends prayed me through that presentation.

5. I received the sweetest note from a student last week.

6.  I'm going to be able to spread my last two grad school classes out so my fall should be much easier to manage.

7. We've made some good progress on cleaning out our storage unit.

8.  I was able to spend a little bit of time outside soaking up the sun today.

9.  We are hanging out with some dear friends tomorrow evening.

10. We have a quick trip to Arkansas coming up soon which means family time.

Thankful Thursday

Wow!  That week went by so fast.

And to be honest I'm glad it is over.

 December 25th through February 13th is always such a roller coaster for me.  So many memories, so much happiness, and so much sadness fill those weeks.  

I am filled with relief and thanksgiving when I make it past February 13.  I feel like I can be normal again.  I'm sure Andrew is thankful for that too.  LOL.

The first chapter of my research paper was due Friday.  This semester has actually felt like I am in grad school.  That stinkin' research paper is kinda stressin' me out.  I'm thankful to have that first chapter behind me.  I feel like it has helped me start to figure out what I'm doing.

And I'm presenting for the first time ever at a conference next week.  I'm starting to feel a little better about that.  I am so thankful for all the people who have told me I'm going to do awesome.  That encouragement has been a huge blessing.

So yeah...I feel like everything hit all at once and I'm thankful to be coming out on the other side of this past week.

Speaking of presenting next week...

I have to bring my own projector and all the technology things.  This has me a bit nervous and I'm terrified that I will blank out and forget how to hook something up.

I borrowed a projector from school and Tuesday night Andrew gave me projector lessons.

I am so thankful he knows all about this stuff and is willing to help me.

He has been a huge encouragement when it comes to this presenting thing.

You can translate that as he hasn't let me cancel my plans to present.

Because there has been more than one occasion where I wanted to chicken out.

And on a totally different note...

The thing I'm most thankful for this week is a better than expected surgery outcome for my Daddy.

He had surgery on his left shoulder Monday.  

His shoulder was not as bad as they originally thought.  Surgery was pretty quick and recovery should be less painful than originally anticipated.

He is doing well and for that I praise God.

Be sure to hope over to Miranda's blog and read her post as well. :)

Thankful Thursday - Jayden's Birthday

Would you just look at that logo picture?

Isn't it beautiful!

I can say that because I had nothing to do with it other than saying, "Hey Miranda, will you make us a logo?"  

A few months ago I began sharing a picture each day on my Instagram with something I was thankful for from the day.  I have really enjoyed doing that and can see how it has helped shift my mindset more toward one of gratitude.

But I've recently been thinking about giving my Instagram a makeover, so to speak.  I'm not sure what that means yet, but I haven't really been posting much there until I figure it out. 

I didn't want to give up my thankful post, so I decided to move them over here to the blog with a weekly post.  And of course, I wanted to recruit my dear friend, Miranda, to join the fun.

I am so thankful for her friendship.  It is still crazy to me that she and I met right here in the blog world and have only met twice in real life.  She is such a sweet friend and prayer warrior.  And insanely talent.  My blog has only ever looked cute because of her.

We had every intention of starting this new series last week.

But it just didn't happen.

So we are starting today.

And that feels perfect.

Because today is Jayden's birthday.

Today is a day of celebration.

A day to be thankful.

I have cried every day this week as I've remembered the different moments from two years ago that led to this day.  I've sat at my computer with tears streaming down my face as I read the prayers and words of encouragement from our friends and family during those darkest days.

My tears this week have been cleansing.  They have been tears of thanksgiving and praise.

Those prayers two years ago are no doubt what carried Andrew and me through the darkest days of our lives.

I praise God for our friends and family, for their prayers and tears, for their encouragement.

I don't know that I have ever felt more loved by my husband than I did during the week we lost Jayden.  He found the perfect balance of allowing me to grieve and encouraging me to keep moving forward with life.

I am so thankful God gave him the strength to do that for me when his heart was breaking too.

And I'm thankful God continues to show him how to love me on those hard days when I just miss my baby.

Last year we were able to honor Jayden's birthday by donating to a ministry that hopefully gave women experiencing a miscarriage a tiny bit of comfort.

I am thankful we had that opportunity and that Jayden's life could be a blessing to others.

I have received messages from women who have lost their little one too early thanking me for sharing my story because it has encouraged them.

Those messages are always humbling and I am thankful God has used our pain to bring a bit of beauty to someone's story.

I am thankful for my family and my friends who have reached out this week to let me know they are thinking of us.  I am thankful for my sweet coworkers who just want to love on me even when they are unsure of how to do that.  I'm thankful for their honesty about being unsure.

But most of all I am thankful that I know without a doubt that someday Andrew and I will hold Jayden again and we will celebrate today together.

Friday Favorites

Paying off all our debt was probably the best thing Andrew and I did in 2019.

Which means in 2020 we are trying to make smarter financial decisions.

Basically I'm supposed to stop eating out so often and there shouldn't be near as many amazon boxes at my front door this year.

It's all about wanting to retire one day or something like that.

So since I'm not supposed to be shopping on Amazon, I figure the next best thing was helping you shop on amazon.

I'll just live vicariously through you.

Okay?

Okay.

So here are a few of my favorite Amazon purchases.

You can click on any of the pictures to shop, but know they are affiliate links.

ONE.

So I know you probably aren't thinking about shorts in January, but I seriously love these shorts so much.  It has been YEARS since I have worn shorts.  I was not on board for the whole tiny shorts era.

But let me tell you I am hear for some appropriate length paper bag waisted shorts.

I wore these all summer and now I'm dreaming about warmer days when I can wear them again.

TWO.

I'm really just a fan of the paper bag waist.  I ordered these cropped pants in July and have worn them several times.  I don't have a picture of me in them, but I can assure you they are a favorite in my wardrobe.  I want them in all the colors.

THREE.

Okay.  Let's leave the clothes behind and move on to some travel items.  Y'all know The Weavers love to travel.

I have been using a Thirty-One make up bag forever.  I like it.  It's huge and pretty much holds all my stuff, but it is one big compartment.  I feel like I spend hours digging for that little bitty eye liner pencil at the bottom.

New makeup bag to the rescue.

I ordered this right before Thanksgiving so I have only used it a couple of times, but I am a fan!

The dividers are movable so you can make each compartment the perfect size for you.  It comes in black as well if pink isn't your thing.

FOUR.

A few years ago Andrew found a new phone mount for our cars.  The brand is Spigen.  It just slides onto your vent so it can be used in any vehicle.  This is especially handy when we travel and have a rental car.  Andrew actually keeps one in his travel bag for this purpose.  We use Spigen phone cases as well.  You insert a magnet in the phone case and it sticks to the mount.

I'm sure I explained that wrong, because I always do.  But you get the idea.

FIVE.

This last favorite is a bit random for this post but I still love it.

Flair Pens are my jam.  

But these Stabilo fine point pens are a close second.

If you decide you can't resist any of these things, I want to hear what you buy and how you like it.

Happy Friday Friends!!

A Single Word for 2020

Out with the old and in with the new.

I have always loved the beginning of a new year whether it be a new school year or a new calendar year like today.

I just love a fresh start.

2019 brought a few big accomplishments such as starting grad school and paying off all debts.  It brought a new job and new friends. 

It brought our first RV trip and my first solo trip.

Yet with all of that it somehow feels like it was an uneventful year.

I'm ready to say goodbye to 2019 and jump on into 2020.

Good thing since 2020 is here now.

While I've always loved turning the page to a new year, I've never been big on resolutions.  Some years I make them some years I don't.

This year I have some overarching goals.

And

I have a word for 2020.

I have never had a word for the year.

But this year I kept gravitating to a certain word.

I know you will not be a bit surprised by the fact that my word stems from my journey with infertility.

I believe God can heal me.  I believe He can give me another baby.

Where I struggle is believing He will.

God's love for me is not contingent on whether or not I have a baby.

But man is it easy to believe the lie that God hasn't given me another baby because I haven't earned His love.

So my word for 2020 is LOVE.

I want to be more aware of all the ways God shows His love towards me every single day.  I want to praise Him for loving me for no other reason than He is God.

I want to share His love with those around me.  I want to see others the way He sees them.  I want to love more and judge less.

I want to be so filled with His love that it pours out of me in everything I do.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."  John 3:16

2019 Reading List

1. Just Kiss Me by Mandy Lawson
2. Made with Love by Tricia Goyer
3. Even Better Than Eden by Nancy Guthrie
4. The Little Sparrows by Al Lacy
5. All My Tomorrows by Al Lacy
6. Whispers in the Wind by Al Lacy
7. Between Heaven and the Real World: My Story by Steven Curtis Chapman
8. A Man Called Ove by Fredrick Backman
9. Because of Mr. Terupt by Rob Buyea
10. The Couple Next Door by Shari Lapena
11. And the Good News Is by Dana Perino
12. Falling Over Sideways by Jordan Sonnenblick
13. Capital Gaines by Chip Gaines
14. Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand
15. Mary Poppins by P.L. Travers
16. Shake Up Learning by Kasey Bell
17. Unfollowing You by Komal Kappor
18.  Rocket Boys by Homer Hickman
19. Rescued by Mandy Lawson
20. Gay Girl Good God by Jackie Perry Hill
21. Book Six by Mandy Lawson
22. Designing Effective Instruction by  Gary R. Morrison
23. When We Were Young by Karen Kingsbury
24. Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens
25. Shaken by Kariss Lynch
26. Shadowed by Kariss Lynch
27. Surrendered by Kariss Lynch
28. Two Weeks by Karen Kingsbury
29. The Prayer Box by Lisa Wingate
30. Sister Dear by Laura McNeill
31. Barefoot Summer by Denise Hunter
32. The Choice by Nicholas Sparks
33. Remember You by Tricia Goyer
34. Reading with Patrick by Michelle Kuo
35. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas by John Boyne
36. Come Spring by Tim LaHaye
37. Inside Out and Back Again by Thanhha Lai
38. The Tattooist of Auschwitz by Heather Morris
39. Educated by Tara Westover
40. Before We Were Yours by Lisa Wingate
41. Farewell to Manzanar by Jeanne Wakatsuke Houston
42. Baby on the Run by Hope White
43. Jennifer by Dee Henderson
44. Code Talker by Joseph Bruchac
45. The Girls of August by Anne Rivers Siddons
46. Boo Humbug by Rene Gutteridge
47. Family Trust by Katy Wang
48. The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers by Maxwell King
49. A Heart's Betrayal by Colleen Coble
50. The Sand Castle by Rita Mae Brown