This time last year Andrew and I were living in two different towns. He was finding his way at his new job and I was finishing up the school year at my current job.
Funny how that seems like forever ago.
During our six months of living in separate places there was one week that I remember being particularly hard for me. I was missing my husband and was tired of living alone in a stinky apartment. I sent a group text out to family pretty much whining about how hard it was to live in separate towns and asking for their prayers.
My brother-in-law, Cary, was sweet enough to remind me that there was a reason I hadn't moved when Andrew did. God still had a purpose for me at HG and in central Arkansas. He wasn't finished with me there yet.
That reminder helped me not only survive that hard week but it helped me with the rest of my time there alone in that stinky apartment. I had a purpose there that was about more than just fulfilling my contract with HG.
All of this came flooding back to me yesterday morning as I was laying in bed. It was a still moment in the morning when I was caught half way between sleep and consciousness. The house was still quiet and I was alone with my thoughts.
As I remembered the words that Cary shared with me almost a year ago I realized how true they still are for me today.
Sometimes I get so caught up in dreaming about the future and imagining our lives with a baby that I forget God has a purpose for me right now.
He isn't waiting on me to become a mom to use me. He has a plan for me right now.
My purpose in life is not to become a mom but to bring glory to Christ. Yes I believe he will use our story of waiting for his glory, but I also believe that He desires to use other parts of my life right now to bring him glory.
I've allowed Satan in and I've shifted my focus away from God and onto my own selfish and prideful desires.
It's a sickening feeling.
I am so thankful that God loves me and forgives me. I'm thankful that He can help me become more aware of pride as it tries to sneak into my heart.
When I have pride in my life it gets in the way of my having an intimate relationship with Christ.
Lord, cleanse me of my pride and protect me from letting pride into my heart. Help me to be more aware of this sin in my life. Humble me Lord for I desire intimacy with you.
In Jesus' Name, Amen