A Letter in Waiting

Several weeks ago I wrote about how everyone waits in their own way.  There is no right way to wait.  I have found that's even true within my own marriage.  Andrew and I wait differently even while we wait together for the same thing.  We are not wired the same way.

Though some days it drives me crazy when he doesn't get as worked up about something as I do, most of the time I'm thankful for his logical, man way of thinking.

 It keeps me sane.

 It keeps me from becoming overly stressed.

 He is my constant reminder that God is the one in control.  Not us.

We both want a baby.  But we show that and we feel that in two very different ways.  It doesn't mean that one of us wants a baby more than the other.  It just means we are two different people.

We wait differently.

Something that helps me in my waiting that I'm not sure my husband completely understands is spending hours online looking at all things baby: nurseries, clothes, photo op ideas, etc.

Our children have a full library already.  Andrew doesn't "get" why I have boxes of books for a child I don't yet have in a closet.

It's not how he waits.

The other day as I was thinking about our time of waiting I felt led to write my someday baby a letter.  I want to write my children letters about special occasions and dreams and thoughts throughout their life.  Then when they turn 18 or when they get married or when they have their first child, I can give them this box of letters - this box of love.

So I'm stepping out on this scary limb and posting my first letter here on the blog for the entire world to see.  To be honest, I'm not sure why I'm sharing it.  I just feel like I'm supposed to.  My prayer is that maybe, just maybe, God will use this letter in ways I can't even imagine.





To my beautiful first born,

    I am sitting here tonight wondering about you.  I wonder if you will look more like me or your Daddy. 

   I wonder if you will be a star basketball player like Daddy or a bookworm like me.

  I wonder if you will tell stories with the same enthusiasm that your Daddy does. 

  I wonder if you will love school the same way I always have.

  I wonder what your favorite food will be and what your first word will be. 

  I wonder what you will be when you grow up. 

  I wonder how your Daddy and I will feel the first time we hear your little heartbeat or the first time we look into your eyes.  

I wonder what will make you laugh and what will make you cry.

There are so many things that I wonder about.  I could never list them all.  I cannot wait until I get to meet you and hold you in my arms for the first time.  I cannot wait to watch you learn and grow as I discover all the answers to my "I wonders".

I love you sweet baby with my whole heart.

Mommy.