Can I be real for just a moment? Just one post of realness?
Back burner. Struggling. Lack of effort. The list could go on. It's a list of words that describe my relationship with the Lord lately.
I have not been doing my part to maintain the relationship. Life has been extremely busy and I have allowed Satan to use the busyness of life as a way to hurt my relationship with God. I have been going going going for the past couple of months and I've let time with God slip to the bottom of my priority list.
I don't want it to be there, but I'm struggling to change that. I'm struggling to put in the effort that God deserves from me.
My sweet friend, Miranda, and I are reading Not A Fan by Kyle Idleman and I'm really enjoying it, but man is it convicting. The chapter I just read was about how fans following a list of rules rather than loving God. In this chapter, Kyle compares it to his relationship with his wife. He talks about the list of rules he agreed to when he married his wife. He agreed to be faithful to her and to stick by her side in health and in sickness. He goes on to say that he didn't receive the full list of rules on their wedding day. Rules such as keeping his closet clean, leaving the toilet seat down at all times, not making fun of her before 10 AM, and having an opinion about two dresses that look exactly alike. HA!
He didn't see marrying his wife as a list of rules. He does those things because he loves his wife.
When I read that I immediately begin to think of my list of unspoken rules that came with marrying my husband.
I watch Fox News nightly and without interrupting.
I watch and even play golf.
I shop alone and text him dressing room photos instead of dragging him along to shop.
There are things that I do and have learned to enjoy out of love for my husband. He does the same for me.
That's how it should be with God. Fruit will be produced out of love for Him. It's not about having a list of rules. It's about loving him and therefore wanting to do things that please Him.
I don't know. I've just been struggling lately. Today I helped lead a Bible study for 8th grade girls. I pray that as we continue to meet once a month and study the women of the Bible that God will use that time to grow them and me. I believe God has put me in that position for a reason. I pray that I would allow him to use that time in my life.
I don't want to be a fan. I want to be a follower.
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