Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Let the Fun Begin

Today we jumped back into things.

I had a doctor appointment this afternoon to do my baseline ultrasound.  

I am very happy with how it went.  

I have  five to six follicles on each side.  This number isn't as high as my doctor would like it to be.  She likes to see it as close to ten as possible.  But it's also not low enough to overly concern her which is good.

I will start clomid in the next couple of days...bring on the hot flashes.

I will go back for another ultrasound at the end of next week and then we will decide on our next step.

The  nurse ordered my trigger shot today.  It will arrive at my house later this week.


That shot makes it feel more real to me.

I have a few emotions going on right now, but mostly excitement.

I'm a little hesitant to get my hopes up because I fear them being crushed.

But at the same time I'm trying to stay positive and have faith.

I feel good about everything.

I have peace about everything.

I'm excited to be doing something again.  

It just seems crazy to me to think that I could very soon be pregnant.

It's an adventure I've been dreaming about for what feels like forever.

There are so many people praying for us and I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am.

I know this post is a bit jumpy, but I'm struggling to put all my emotions together and into words.  I know if I don't get something down now though, I will never do it.  

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Be Strong and Courageous

We decided to take the month of December off from doctor appointments, blood draws, and all things infertility.  As much as I want to do these things or whatever else it might take for us to  get that positive pregnancy test, it is always a relief to take time off.  It's a relief to have a break from that emotional roller coaster.

When I can put infertility out of my mind and act like it isn't an issue life just seems easier.

Over Christmas break we were able to enjoy an incredible winter getaway.  I dare say it was my favorite vacation yet.

Being able to pack up and just go is so easy with the two of us.  Airports are easier.  Train travel is easier.  It's all just easier.

I'm not going to lie.  In moments like that I question how big my desire for children really is.  I know it will be worth it, but man life is so easy right now.

And then we came home and I instantly felt anxious about jumping back into the world of doctor appointments, blood draws, and all things infertility.  I cannot even begin to describe the ups and downs my emotions go through.  If you have ever been there then you understand exactly what I'm talking about.

I opened my mouth more times than I can count to tell Andrew I didn't want to do it.  I didn't want to pursue IUI this month.  

And every single time I closed my mouth before the words came tumbling out.  

I was afraid that if I said it out loud I wouldn't be able to change my mind again.

As we spent time with family for the holidays and I went back to work people were asking what our next step was and when I was going back to the doctor.

The more people asked the more anxious I felt.

I felt like I didn't want to share dates or details with anyone.  Yes I wanted their prayers but sometimes it is just too hard to constantly be sharing.

And then things began shifting.

A coworker told me she felt like this was going to be my year.

God whispered into my heart to share every detail because there was someone out there that needed me to do that.

A family member told me she felt like 2017 would be the year Andrew and I got to share a pregnancy announcement.

God was just giving me cheerleaders all over the place.

My anxiousness slowly began turning into excitement.

In the midst of all that while I was struggling to make the shift from anxiousness to excitement God spoke to me again through His word.

My devotional for that day was based on Joshua 1:9

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Y'all I don't have to be anxious or afraid.

I can be strong and courageous.

My God will be with me through every doctor appointment, through every blood draw, through every ultrasound, through every single step.

I knew that but I most definitely needed that reminder.

I have a new peace about returning to fertility treatments, which should be sometime next week.  

I'm believing that 2017 will be the year of Baby Weaver. 

Saturday, January 7, 2017

A Few Random Thoughts

I am determined to be more present here on the blog this year, yet it is already the 7th day of the new year and I haven't blogged a thing.

I've started several post in my head, but I can't seem to find the time or energy to get them from my head to to here.

Going back to school after Christmas break has kicked my tail.  I finally came home Wednesday afternoon, laid on the couch for a couple of hours watching TV, and then went to bed at 7:30.

It was much needed.

I struggled to get out of bed every single morning this past week until Friday.

Friday I was wide awake at 5:15.

Friday we had a snow day and I didn't even have to go to work.

As much as I didn't want a snow day (I'd rather have my days in the summer) it was a much needed snow day.

Andrew worked from home.

We spent the day working, reading, and working on a puzzle.

If you want to know more about my exciting puzzle adventures, follow me on SnapChat.  It's riveting stuff I tell ya.

I just finished reading this book...

It was sooo good.  It is a book for young adults, but I recommend it to anyone.  Historical Fiction...about the Berlin Wall.

I could not put it down.

I always set myself a goal to read 52 books a year.  This year I decided to up that goal to 70 books in 2017.  It feels like a lofty goal, but I think I can do it.

We are getting ready to jump back into the world of fertility treatments.  I have had lots of emotions about that, so many that they need their on blog post.  I'll share soon I promise.