Same Journey, Different Path

I find it strange that there are parts of this journey that I have no problems sharing yet  it terrifies me to openly share other parts.

I really believe it is Satan trying to keep me from sharing.  

Sharing your story may not be for everyone.  It's a very personal thing.

But it helps me.  It helps me to know others are praying for us and with us.

It helps me to read the stories of others, to know that I'm not alone.

One of the biggest lies Satan tells me is that I'm alone in this journey.

I refuse to believe that and blogging about this journey is one of the many ways I fight off this lie.

All that to say that Andrew and I have made a decision as to our next step in this journey and I'm struggling to share it.

I guess I worry about criticism from others.

Thankfully there hasn't been any of that yet.

It was a hard decision for me.  It feels like a selfish decision.  I have felt like it was not acceptable for me to make this decision.

But after many prayers, lots of conversations, tears (on my part), and several double stuffed oreos (again on my part - they make me feel better), we have reached a decision.

A decision that we feel good about.

In my last post, I shared that we had been matched with a sibling group of three.

We have decided not to pursue adoption of them.

They need more than Andrew and I feel like we can give them.

It's a hard decision.  They are cute as can be and need a safe, loving home.

It's hard to say no to that.  

But we feel it would not be fair to these kids for us to bring them into our home, knowing we cannot provide for them all that they need.

With that decision, we have also decided to take a new path in this journey.

We have an appointment next month at Arkansas Fertility.  

We hope to begin IUI (intra-uterine insemination).

If you've been around for awhile, you may remember that we had lots of testing done two years ago and were diagnosed with unexplained infertility.

The process of IUI is fairly simple compared to other treatments.

Basically I will go on medication to make sure that I ovulate and I will also give myself a shot (it's just one, it's just one little shot) to time ovulation.

They will take a sample from Andrew, wash it (so weird) and insert it into me, bypassing my cervix.

It's all very strange and scientific.

Not at all how I thought this whole baby making thing would go.  

I am both very excited and very scared about this whole process.

I'm trying to find faith and believe this will work, yet feeling very pessimistic.

When you go five years without seeing a positive its hard to think  you will ever see one.

I've heard success stories - people getting pregnant with their first round of IUI.

I've heard stories of people who have done four or five rounds of IUI and still haven't gotten pregnant.

I don't know which category we will fall in, but I do know God is with us and he will walk us through this next part of our journey.