But...

I have been a very busy girl lately. It seems I am always going. I always have a to do list that I'm trying to work my way through. Even when I am not physically running around trying to get this or that done, my mind is still going.

In the past few weeks, Andrew and I have had several conversations about our sleeping habits. We don't seem to be getting the rest we need. We have ventured many guesses as to what is standing in the way of our rest. Our mattress stinks, dogs sleep with us, we practically live in our bed, etc... the list goes on.

All of these may very well be contributing factors. But.... You know something painful is coming when there is a but. Normally whatever follows a but is something we don't really want to hear. In this case, the but comes from God. And it is definitely something I haven't wanted to hear. Or maybe I thought I didn't need to hear it.

Whatever the case, the but is there and it keeps coming back. My to do list is not important. Okay maybe it is important, but it doesn't have an eternal outcome. Crossing something of my to do list is a temporary satisfaction. That isn't why God put me on this Earth.

For me, the but is this....Slow down. Stop your hectic life and just spend some time with God. I am guilty of saying that God just doesn't speak to me. I'm sure you all know someone who has said that. Now I'm thinking that God has been screaming at me, blinking lights, hitting me over the head, and doing everything else he can to get my attention. I've just been too busy to notice. Too busy to stop and listen.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my relationship with my earthly husband compared to my relationship with my heavenly husband. We are Jesus' bride. When Andrew and I first started dating, I couldn't get enough. I wanted to be with him every free moment I had. I rearranged my schedule to spend time with him. He didn't come with a manuel, but if he had, I bet I would have read it a thousand times. I wanted to know everything I could about him. I even wanted to be more like him. Do we girls not pretend to like something because our men like it? I have watched hours of football, golf, and cycling simply because it pleases my husband. He enjoys that stuff. I find myself even liking Fox News, but please don't tell him that. :)

I have put countless hours into my relationship with Andrew. I still continue to do that. I still want to spend time with him. I still want to make him happy. I still want to enjoy the things he enjoys.

I know without a doubt, that my husband loves me. He cares about me and wants me to be happy. But, (there's that word again), I also know that my heavenly father loves me even more. He also wants me to be happy.

Jesus Christ did something for me that Andrew will never be able to do for me. He died on a Roman cross so that I could spend eternity in Heaven. How incredibly awesome is that!!!

Then comes the hard stuff? What do I put into my relationship with Him? If I'm honest, it isn't much. I make time for Jesus when I have time left over after my to do list is complete... if I am not too tired. I meet God occasionally. I don't yearn to spend as much time with him as possible. My heavenly husband comes with a manuel and yet I don't spend hours pouring over the manuel trying to learn more about Him. I'm not purposely making myself for like him for his pleasure.

I'm just being honest. My relationship with God has been out of convenience lately. It has not been what He wants it to be. It hasn't been what I want it to be.

The but for me has been that I need to slow down, shut up, and just listen to God. He has been running along side of me all this time, but I need to give both of us a break. It is time to rest with my Lord.

I have decided that I have to listen to this but. God has given this to me in at least five different unrelated places/ways. It seems like everytime I turn around, I'm being told that I'm too busy. To slow down.

I'm not going to say but this time... there is not but, I still have this to do but, I don't know how but, I'm too sleepy. No more buts. I just want to stop, spend time with my Lord, listen and obey. That is why God put me here.