Tuesday Tunes: Glorious Unfolding

Lay your head down tonight

Take a rest from the fight

Don't try to figure it out

Just listen to what I'm whispering to your heart

'Cause I know this is not

Anything like you thought

The story of your life was gonna be

And it feels like the end has started closing in on you

But it's just not true

There's so much of the story that's still yet to unfold

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding

Just you wait and see and you will be amazed

You've just got to believe the story is so far from over

So hold on to every promise God has made to us

And watch this glorious unfolding

God's plan from the start

For this world and your heart

Has been to show His glory and His grace

Forever revealing the depth and the beauty of

His unfailing love

And the story has only begun

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding

Just you wait and see and you will be amazed

You've just got to believe the story is so far from over

So hold on to every promise God has made to us

And watch this glorious unfolding

We were made to run through fields of forever

Singing songs to our Savior andKing

So let us remember this life we're living

Is just the beginning of the beginning

Of this glorious unfolding

We will watch and see and we will be amazed

If we just keep on believing the story is so far from over

And hold on to every promise God has made to us

We'll see the glorious unfolding

Just watch and see (unfolding)

This is just the beginning of the beginning (unfolding)

Tuesday Tunes

I miss the loud chaos of having eight kids.

The peace and quiet is my favorite.

I want to jump in the car and go get all eight of them and bring them back home.

Let's get rid of the 12 passenger van because we are never having kids.

Just the two of us - it's perfect.

I want kids.

Let's try adoption again.

I'm never adopting again.

Let's just have a baby the old fashion way.

Oh wait.  We tried that.  It didn't work.

These are just a few of the ever changing thoughts than run through my head lately.  If you ask how I'm doing I'll give you the standard "I'm good" or "I'm okay".  That's simply easier than trying to explain that my feelings changed in the amount of time it took you to ask me how I was doing.

I have moments where I'm perfectly fine and life feels normal.

And in the same breath I can have a moment that causes me to break down in a full on ugly cry.

Lately the ugly cry comes from not knowing God's plan.

Bringing our eight children into our home and loving them was what God called us to do.  Andrew and I still believe that.  Yet it didn't work out the way we thought it would.

My low moments come from not understanding why having children has to be so hard for us.  They come from not understanding how God is working in all of this, but knowing that He is working.

This morning I heard a song on the radio as I drove to work.  It's a song that I've heard a hundred times, but this morning it spoke to me in a new way.

I may not be skilled to understand God's plan, but He lives.  He always has and always will.

He is always there for me.

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed what God has planned
I only know at his right hand
Stands one who is my Savior

I take him at his word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find the need
Of him to be my Savior

That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You called it strange so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

My Savior loves
My Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God he was
My God he is
My God he's always gonna be

Yes living, dying let me bring
My strength my Solace from the Spring
That he who lives to be my king
Once died to be my Savior

That he would leave his place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You called it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

My Savior loves
My Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God he was
My God he is
My God he's always gonna be

Five on Friday

I've been in a rut with blogging lately.  I don't feel up to blogging about the heaviness that is a failed adoption, but it seems wrong to blog about nothingness as if the failed adoption never happened.

The nothingness is easier though so in an attempt to get back into this whole blogging thing I decided to link up with some fun ladies for Five on Friday.

ONE:

Andrew had to go out of town earlier this week for work.  I took this trip of his as an opportunity to sweet talk my momma and daddy into cooking dinner for me and my brother and his family.  It didn't take much sweet talking.  It was nice to spend an evening with them.

TWO:

I have an obsession with subscription.  I've never actually signed up for one, but I've started the process more times than I can count.  You know...Stitch Fix, Bark Box, Birch Box...and on and on and on.  This past week my best friend sent me info about one that was new to me.

You get a cute little bag with 5 beauty products each month.  When you sign up you take a little  beauty quiz to help guide them in what products to send you.  And the best part?  It's only $10/month.  I cannot wait to get my first bag.

THREE:

I just finished the first two books in the Angel Walking series by Karen Kingsbury.  There are two books in the series that are not out yet.  The third book will be out in April.  Finishing the second book was a strong reminder why I don't read books in a series until the whole series is out.  Cliffhangers are not my friend!

FOUR:

I've already started thinking about our Christmas card for the year.  I was looking at different ones on Etsy the other day and I found this one...

I sent it to Andrew and told him I thought it would be fun to do a "fancy" card this year.  His response?  "I look better than that every day.

Oh I do love how he makes me laugh.

FIVE:

Andrew and I are headed to Fayetteville tomorrow to watch the hogs play and I couldn't be more excited!  I just hope tomorrow's game turns out a bit differently than last Saturday's game.

WPS!

Missing the Chaos

Our Precious Eight,
    For twenty nine days God allowed us to be a big loud family of ten.  In some ways those were the longest twenty nine days of my life, but at the same time those twenty nine days weren't nearly long enough.
    I'm sitting here wishing things could have been different.  This big house is all to quiet today.  I miss the crazy chaos.  I miss those moments all piled up in bed, watching dad have tickle fights with you.  I miss football games in the yard - the weather is perfect for a game today.  I miss cooking meals for you and sitting around the dinner table listening to your favorite moments from the day.
   I wonder if those twenty-nine days were enough.  Were they enough for you to know how much I love you?  Were they enough for Dad and I show to you how much Jesus loves you?  Were they enough to let you know you are valued, each and every one of you?
   It breaks my heart to know that I may never see you or hear your voices again.  It's not how I wanted the story to end.  I believe with everything that Dad and I did exactly what God wanted us to do with each step.  I trust in the truth that is Jeremiah 29:11 - God has a plan for each of us and it's for good, not to harm us.
   H, A, N, S, M, K, A, and S, I love each and every one of you more than you will ever know.  I wanted more than anything to be your mom, to have you has my beautiful sons and daughters - all of you.  No matter what the future holds for each of you and for Dad and I, know we love you.  We want the best for you.

A Week Later

It's been just over a week since our children left our home.

It has not been an easy week.

Like with so many other things, Andrew and I are complete opposites when it comes to how we grieve and attempt to move on.

I'm thankful God has allowed us to be aware of this fact.  Despite our differences we've been able to grieve together rather than pulling apart from each other.

We started this journey last fall and so many people have joined us in prayer along the way.

People we know, people we've only met a few times, and people we've never met.

They have carried us through each day with their prayers.

They have stood in the gap for us.

Their prayers, your prayers, are the only way we've made it through the past week.

Thank you.

We still have rough moments.

We still shed tears.

But God is healing our hearts.

He has been faithful to remind us that He is with us.

Always.

He called us to adoption and we obeyed.

It may not have ended the way we hoped, but He is still in control.

God is on the throne.