Saturday, September 12, 2015

Missing the Chaos

Our Precious Eight,
    For twenty nine days God allowed us to be a big loud family of ten.  In some ways those were the longest twenty nine days of my life, but at the same time those twenty nine days weren't nearly long enough.
    I'm sitting here wishing things could have been different.  This big house is all to quiet today.  I miss the crazy chaos.  I miss those moments all piled up in bed, watching dad have tickle fights with you.  I miss football games in the yard - the weather is perfect for a game today.  I miss cooking meals for you and sitting around the dinner table listening to your favorite moments from the day.
   I wonder if those twenty-nine days were enough.  Were they enough for you to know how much I love you?  Were they enough for Dad and I show to you how much Jesus loves you?  Were they enough to let you know you are valued, each and every one of you?
   It breaks my heart to know that I may never see you or hear your voices again.  It's not how I wanted the story to end.  I believe with everything that Dad and I did exactly what God wanted us to do with each step.  I trust in the truth that is Jeremiah 29:11 - God has a plan for each of us and it's for good, not to harm us.
   H, A, N, S, M, K, A, and S, I love each and every one of you more than you will ever know.  I wanted more than anything to be your mom, to have you has my beautiful sons and daughters - all of you.  No matter what the future holds for each of you and for Dad and I, know we love you.  We want the best for you.

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