Five on Friday

one.

We have a winner.  Rachel Williams is the winner of my little give away.  Congrats Rachel.  Thank you all for entering.  It was so fun for me to do this giveaway.

two.

My November Faithbox arrived today.  I am loving this gift from my Momma.  It's so fun to get a little present each month.

three.

This week has been Red Ribbon week at school.  Every day has been a different dress up day.  Today was Favorite Book Character today and by far my favorite.  I decided to be Pippi Longstocking.  My students all loved my costume but had no clue who I was! They now know who Pippi is so I guess my job as an educator is done.

four.  

I bought myself a pair of duck boots this week and I could not be more excited about it.  Bring on the rain and snow so I can wear them.

five.

I may or may not have been listening to Christmas music this week.  I can't help myself.  There's a good chance I'll watch a Christmas movie this weekend.  What is your favorite Christmas movie?

Paying it Forward

My sweet sister-in-law celebrated her birthday this month and I was so excited to give her a "Mommy" necklace.

I found a cute little store on Etsy called PureImpressions and she created this beautiful necklace for Melissa.

A couple of days later I received  a message from her saying my money had been refunded.  My immediate thought was OH NO!  Melissa's birthday was right around the corner and I was afraid I would not have time to find a similar necklace and have it here on time.

As I read the message I began to smile so big.

She does this awesome thing where she picks a random winner every Monday and that person receives their order FREE.  

It's a random act of kindness that she does and she encourages the winner to pay it forward.

I think this is the neatest thing.

And now I want to pay it forward...

to you!

I'm giving away one amazing piece ($30 value) from PureImpressions.  

I will announce the winner one week from now.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

My First Glam Bag

I received my first glam bag in the mail from Ipsy last week.

I loved it immediately.

I mean how fun and girly is the shiny pink package?

Inside the pink Glam Bag was a cute little gold and black cosmetic bag.

I love this little bag and will be carrying it in my purse from here on out.


Probably my favorite item inside the bag was this liquid lipstick.

I normally wear lip gloss so I love that this is a liquid.  It last a long time - much longer than my lip gloss.  I like the color but I would like to try some other colors.

My least favorite item in the bag was this bronze eye shadow.

I'm not real good with eye shadows.  I do the same eye every day because it is all I know.  This color was a little too funky for me and I stink at liquid eye shadow.

I have mixed feelings about this lotion.  I love the lotion, but I am not a fan of the scent.

I tried this moist cream today.  This is where I show my cosmetics ignorance because I just didn't see the point.  I'm not sure what it was supposed to do but I couldn't tell it did anything for me.

The fifth and final item in the bag is this facial scrub.  I haven't tried it yet.  I have products similar to this one from Clinique that I love so I'm a little hesitant to try this one.

The Glam Bag made for a fun mail day.  I'm already anticipating my November bag.

Do you get the Glam Bag?

What was in your October bag?

A Lonely Place

Yesterday one of the kids contacted me on social media.  I asked how she was doing only to be told to leave her alone.  

This morning we saw one of them at church.  He called out, "Elaina" and waved as if I had never been mom.

Two small moments caused my heart to break all over again.  Andrew and I wanted so badly for this story to have a happy ending.  We never wanted or believed our story would be described as a failed adoption.  

A failed adoption is a lonely place to be.

I find myself terrified of trying again, of having children.  And yet at the same time I find myself terrified of never having children, of never having the family I've always dreamed of.

It's hard to know where to go from here.  

Actually it seems impossible to know where to go from here.  Andrew and I are all over the place in what we think we want and  we never seem to be in the same place at the same time.

That's hard.

A failed adoption is a lonely place to be.

Do we want to try adopting again?  Do we pursue different children or try to bring back one or two of the eight?  Do we try infertility treatments?  Do we not have kids?

We don't know.

Most of the time I feel okay.  I feel as if I have healed.  And then in a moment I realize how raw the emotion and the hurt still is.  I realize how deep the scars go.

Infertility brought moments of loneliness,, but I never really felt alone.  I had family members who had struggled with infertility.  I immediately found blog friends who were struggling.  I always felt a part of this infertility community, a community none of  us wanted to belong to.

With a failed adoption, I haven't found that community.  I haven't found that group of people who have walked through this fire and found themselves on the other side, in the happily ever after.

A failed adoption is a lonely place to be.

I have been struggling with sharing about our failed adoption.  It's very personal and it's hard to put into words all the different emotions that come with it.

I want to explain what happened so people might understand and hold back their judgement.  I want to keep the mistakes and issues to myself because honestly it's no one's business.  

But if there is anyone out there walking through this same storm then I want them to know they are not alone.  I want them to know that there is someone else who has been through this storm.  God will carry us through.  

I want a failed adoption to be less of a lonely place.  

My October Faithbox

My mom gave me a subscription to Faithbox for my birthday.  As I have mentioned before I love a good subscription box so I was pretty excited about it.

My first box finally showed up at the very end of September.  

I could not wait to open it up and see what was inside.

My first glance inside...

Inside I found a candle, some lip balm, and a chocolate bar

Along with a book and a small devotional book.  I love this little devotional book.  There is a quick thought for each day.  It's easy to pick up and read during a short break in the day.

My favorite part of this box is that for every box shipped, they provide 3 meals to Christian orphanages.