Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Why I Don't Bash My Husband

This is my husband.

Y'all he is absolutely my best friend.

He is the first one I run to when I want to share about the best day ever.

And he is the first one I run to when I want to cry about the worst day ever.

He is smart and funny and has the biggest heart.

He is all kinds of wonderful and he makes me have all the heart eyes.

But he isn't perfect.

He is human.

If you follow me on any form of social media (which now includes snapchat because I'm cool like that) then you've been exposed to a few lovey dovey look at us having the time of our  lives status updates.

We like to have fun.

We like to laugh.

And I share those moments because it is in those moments when my husband is loving me well that I see Jesus in him.  It's in those moments that I see him unselfishly loving me - even though sometimes in those moments I am definitely not unselfishly loving him - that I am reminded of how big and how great the love of Christ is.

I share those moments because I want young women to see a positive example of how a husband should cherish his wife.

But I also don't won't to give young women the impression that marriage is all fun and games.

Because as with all stories there is another side.

Wow.  That makes my husband sound a little like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

It's not that bad.

But marriage does require hard work.

Because even with all the heart eyes I have for him, my husband isn't perfect.

And don't tell him this, but neither am I.

However, you will never see me update my status with the story of our latest breakdown in communication.

(Isn't that a much nicer way of saying FIGHT?)

And oh how there can be breakdowns.

Just give us a construction project.

It's like we suddenly start speaking two very different languages.

There is a tool out there that is commonly referred to as the divorce box in our house.  I have no idea what the tool is really called, nor do I remember it's purpose.  What I do know is that it caused an argument or two or three.  It caused all patience with one another to completely disappear.

I'm talking a Houdini-esque vanish.

Don't worry...we can laugh about it now.

But we still haven't used that tool since then.

But in all seriousness...

We get tired.

We get hangry.

We get selfish.

We're human.

But I made the choice a long time ago not to bash my husband in public.

What purpose does it serve?

Sure I might have a girlfriend or two who would take my side and tell me I deserve to be upset.

But more than likely what I really need is a girlfriend or two who will listen and sincerely pray with me and for me.  Someone who won't judge me or my husband, but will give Godly counsel.

Have you ever been around a dripping faucet or a leaky roof?

Annoying as heck right?

I don't know about you but I don't want to be described as a dripping anything.

Proverbs 27:15 says a quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day. thank you!

I'd much rather be more precious than jewels (Proverbs 31:10) or I wouldn't mind being a crown either (Proverbs 12:4).

Here is what I know...when Andrew and I quarrel (that word is underused these days.  It's so much nicer sounding than fight.) and we do quarrel because again...we are human, and then I continue to let those quarrelsome thoughts infect my heart by bashing him to anyone who will listen...

That's not the fast track to peace in our relationship.  That tends to make the fight last longer.

And fighting with my husband is pretty much my least favorite thing in the world.

Even more so than broccoli.

And I eat broccoli like Kevin on The Office eats broccoli.

(If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you are seriously missing out)

Back to the seriousness...

God commands us to love on another, to be tender hearted toward one another, and to forgive one another (Eph 4:32).

He commands wives to respect their husbands...and not just in the moments where they are making it easy, but in every moment.

For me, not bashing my husband in public is one way in which I respect him.

And I'm not saying I'm prefect at this.

Remember I'm human.

Sometimes those quarrelsome thoughts infest my heart and I allow Satan to convince me that my anger is justified and it is okay to bash my husband.

And then I'm left feeling worse than I did before.

I end up on my knees seeking forgiveness from both my Heavenly Father and my husband.

Forgiveness not only for my part in the fight in the first place but now for the bashing as well.

So I just want to encourage you, the next time your husband upsets you because he is a guy and they are just wired different than you or maybe loses his temper because its been a long day at work, instead of bashing him to the first girlfriend who answers her phone, take it to the Lord.  Ask him to soften both of your hearts.  Ask him to help you communicate better with one another.

I promise it's easier and better than the bashing you want to do in that moment.

With love my sweet friends,

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