Why I Don't Bash My Husband

This is my husband.

Y'all he is absolutely my best friend.

He is the first one I run to when I want to share about the best day ever.

And he is the first one I run to when I want to cry about the worst day ever.

He is smart and funny and has the biggest heart.

He is all kinds of wonderful and he makes me have all the heart eyes.

But he isn't perfect.

He is human.

If you follow me on any form of social media (which now includes snapchat because I'm cool like that) then you've been exposed to a few lovey dovey look at us having the time of our  lives status updates.

We like to have fun.

We like to laugh.

And I share those moments because it is in those moments when my husband is loving me well that I see Jesus in him.  It's in those moments that I see him unselfishly loving me - even though sometimes in those moments I am definitely not unselfishly loving him - that I am reminded of how big and how great the love of Christ is.

I share those moments because I want young women to see a positive example of how a husband should cherish his wife.

But I also don't won't to give young women the impression that marriage is all fun and games.

Because as with all stories there is another side.

Wow.  That makes my husband sound a little like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

It's not that bad.

But marriage does require hard work.

Because even with all the heart eyes I have for him, my husband isn't perfect.

And don't tell him this, but neither am I.

However, you will never see me update my status with the story of our latest breakdown in communication.

(Isn't that a much nicer way of saying FIGHT?)

And oh how there can be breakdowns.

Just give us a construction project.

It's like we suddenly start speaking two very different languages.

There is a tool out there that is commonly referred to as the divorce box in our house.  I have no idea what the tool is really called, nor do I remember it's purpose.  What I do know is that it caused an argument or two or three.  It caused all patience with one another to completely disappear.

I'm talking a Houdini-esque vanish.

Don't worry...we can laugh about it now.

But we still haven't used that tool since then.

But in all seriousness...

We get tired.

We get hangry.

We get selfish.

We're human.

But I made the choice a long time ago not to bash my husband in public.

What purpose does it serve?

Sure I might have a girlfriend or two who would take my side and tell me I deserve to be upset.

But more than likely what I really need is a girlfriend or two who will listen and sincerely pray with me and for me.  Someone who won't judge me or my husband, but will give Godly counsel.

Have you ever been around a dripping faucet or a leaky roof?

Annoying as heck right?

I don't know about you but I don't want to be described as a dripping anything.

Proverbs 27:15 says a quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day.

Umm....no thank you!

I'd much rather be more precious than jewels (Proverbs 31:10) or I wouldn't mind being a crown either (Proverbs 12:4).

Here is what I know...when Andrew and I quarrel (that word is underused these days.  It's so much nicer sounding than fight.) and we do quarrel because again...we are human, and then I continue to let those quarrelsome thoughts infect my heart by bashing him to anyone who will listen...

That's not the fast track to peace in our relationship.  That tends to make the fight last longer.

And fighting with my husband is pretty much my least favorite thing in the world.

Even more so than broccoli.

And I eat broccoli like Kevin on The Office eats broccoli.

(If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you are seriously missing out)

Back to the seriousness...

God commands us to love on another, to be tender hearted toward one another, and to forgive one another (Eph 4:32).

He commands wives to respect their husbands...and not just in the moments where they are making it easy, but in every moment.

For me, not bashing my husband in public is one way in which I respect him.

And I'm not saying I'm prefect at this.

Remember I'm human.

Sometimes those quarrelsome thoughts infest my heart and I allow Satan to convince me that my anger is justified and it is okay to bash my husband.

And then I'm left feeling worse than I did before.

I end up on my knees seeking forgiveness from both my Heavenly Father and my husband.

Forgiveness not only for my part in the fight in the first place but now for the bashing as well.

So I just want to encourage you, the next time your husband upsets you because he is a guy and they are just wired different than you or maybe loses his temper because its been a long day at work, instead of bashing him to the first girlfriend who answers her phone, take it to the Lord.  Ask him to soften both of your hearts.  Ask him to help you communicate better with one another.

I promise it's easier and better than the bashing you want to do in that moment.

With love my sweet friends,

Happy Anniversary

Twelve years ago today before God and our family and friends I vowed to love you for the rest of my life.  For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness (despite my slight protest) and in health.

I was twenty years old.  

Young and dumb naive.

I thought I understood what I was promising you.

And I guess in my twenty year old way, I did.

I don't remember anyone ever telling me that marriage was hard work.

But I also don't remember anyone telling me that it would be the greatest blessing.

You make me laugh like no one else can.

You hold me close and wipe my tears.

You teach me how to love others with everything I have.

You protect me even when I don't know I need protecting.

You make me feel beautiful.

You are my best friend

You love me as God as called you to love me.

25For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.^b 27He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.

(Ephesians 5)

Thank you for choosing me twelve years ago and every day since.

Thank you for giving me grace as I learn to be the wife God has called me to be to you

How sweet it is to be loved by you!

The Pressure is Off

From the very moment Andrew and I said "I do" and promised our lives to one another people began to ask the question,

"When are you planning to have kids?".

It wasn't everyone asking, but there were times when it sure felt like everyone.

I wanted kids pretty much immediately.

In my mind that was the order of things.

You got married and you had kids.

Thankfully I married someone wiser than me who knew we needed those first years to get to know one another and to strengthen our marriage.

Then the day came when we were both ready to add to our family.

I just knew it would happen that first month.

And then it didn't.

Here we are almost twelve years into this journey called marriage and it is still just the two of us.

And you know what?

For the first time in almost twelve years of marriage I am completely okay with that.

After the adoption didn't work out Andrew and I were in two very different places with what we wanted.  It felt like we would never want the same thing at the same time again.

That was extremely difficult.

In some ways it was harder than the actual loss of the children.

My husband is my best friend and to feel like we were headed in two different directions was almost more than I could handle.

I prayed that God would work in our hearts and bring us back to the same page.

I asked friends to pray the same for us.

God is faithful.

He did just that.

He brought us back to the same page.

And the moment that happened a peace covered me.

For the first time in a very long time I feel no pressure about if, when, or how we are going to have children.

I'm happy.

Truly happy.

For the first time in a long time I'm looking forward to Christmas.  I'm excited to just enjoy the holiday without any of the ugly feelings that I have felt the past several years as I have longed to have children.

The pressure is off and it feels good.

I'm enjoying every moment I get to spend with my best friend, my love.  I'm not wishing away the here and now for the someday maybes.

Eleven Years

Eleven Years.

Today we celebrate 11 years of marriage.

Each year seems to be better than the last.

I still wake up every day in awe that I get to do life with my best friend.

He loves me well.

I am blessed.

Happy Anniversary babe!

Just the Two of Us

It's no secret that Andrew & I want to be parents.  I dream of the days when I'm running on little sleep, am covered in spit up, and laundry is piled to the ceiling.  

Oh how wonderful that sounds!

Okay so I tend to ignore those scenarios when I dream about Baby Weaver.  It is much more fun to spend hours looking at nursery ideas, discussing names, and picturing my husband holding our sweet baby.    

Its much more fun to spend hours looking at ideas for announcing our pregnancy and the gender. 

But then there are weekends like this past one.  Weekends where we pick up and drive two hours to help family set up at their church's new location.  Weekends where we sit down in a restaurant and enjoy a meal together.  Weekends where we get a mini get away staying in a hotel room.

Just the two of us.  

There were no baby sitting arrangements needed.  No packing the whole house so that our child would be comfortable while away from home.  (This seems funny to us now but I know it will be us doing this one day.)  There was no baby sleeping in the middle of us in a tiny hotel bed.

Don't get me wrong.  I look forward to the day when we are doing all those things.

But I'm also thankful for this time of just the two of us.  After ten years of marriage I'm still learning about my husband.  I'm still falling in love with him more and more each day.  I treasure the time when it is just us.  I try not to take for granted how easy it is for us to have a date night.

I don't ever want to miss out on the now because I'm so busy looking to the future.  We will never be able to get this time back so I want to enjoy it to the fullest now.  I want to be present in the here and now of my marriage. I don't want to dream away my present.  

Our Anniversary Date

We had such a great time celebrating ten years yesterday.

As soon I woke up Andrew gave me my gift.  I love that it is hard for him to hang on to a gift when he is excited to give it to me.  

He gave me a beautiful diamond owl necklace.  It is so small & dainty.  I absolutely love it.  The picture doesn't do it justice.

I had planned to wait and give him his gift at dinner, but after opening my gift I couldn't wait anymore.

Andrew isn't exactly the easiest person to buy for.  But I knew exactly what I wanted to give him for our anniversary.  He has been wanting a new watch for quite some time.  I was a little nervous about it because I've never picked out a man's watch before. 

But he loved it!  Turns out I picked out the one he had been looking at for himself.

Andrew worked yesterday so once he was off work we went out for dinner & a movie.

We ate at a local BBQ place that we've been trying to go to forever.  Andrew ate there for lunch a couple of times but every time we tried to go together they seemed to be closed.

It was worth the wait.  So yummy!  I don't really eat ribs, but oh my goodness.  Theirs were sooo good.  I had to still a couple of bites from Andrew. 

After dinner we had about an hour before the movie started.  When we drove by our little theater though there were already a few people standing in line so we decided to join them.

We were easily the oldest people there.  I'm talking twice the age of everyone else in line.

It was pretty comical.  

Our theater is exactly what you would expect to find in a small town.

One show playing at a time.

It's great.  Like stepping back in time.  

That is until there is a movie that you really want to see and our little one show theater doesn't show it until weeks after it has been released.

That's right.  Our little theater just started showing Catching Fire this weekend. 

I finally convinced Andrew months ago to watch Hunger Games in preparation for this very event.  

I was pretty pumped to finally get to see Catching Fire.

And I WAS NOT disappointed.  It was AMAZING!

As in can I please go see it again today? kind of AMAZING.

With the books I seemed to like each one less than the previous one.  

Not the case with the movies.  Catching Fire was sooo much better than Hunger Games in my opinion.

And it totally leaves you hanging.  If I hadn't already read Mockingjay and know how it all turns out I would have been very upset.  

It was a great day!  I'm looking forward to the next ten years and then some.

Happy Anniversary My Love

Today Andrew & I are celebrating ten years of marriage.  

TEN YEARS!

It seems like only yesterday that I was walking down the aisle toward my groom ready to promise him the rest of my life.  

2004

2014

I love you Andrew Jay!  You are my best friend.  There is no one else I'd rather do life with.  Thank you for being my biggest supporter, for knowing me better than anyone, for making me laugh often, and for loving me even when it isn't easy.

Thank you for believing in the sanctity of marriage and for leading our little family.

Thank you for working hard to take care of us.

Thank you for always being honest.

Thank you for choosing me.

What Makes A Good Wife?

What makes a woman a good wife?

According to listdose.com there are ten qualities that a woman must have to be a good wife

10. Quit Nagging

9. Look Good, Charm Him

8. Be Unpredictable, Surprise Him Often

7. Organize the House, Be a Good Maid

6. All the Pleasant Qualities, Be Kind

5. A Guy Needs His Space

4. Sexual Intimacy is Important Too

3. Don't Hide Your Love

2. Be Open With Your Feelings

1. Compatibility

What if you only possess 9 of the above 10 qualities?  Are you still a good wife?

What if you only possess half of the qualities?  Or just one of the qualities?

Is being a good wife even one of your goals?

Have you ever watched the movie Courageous?  If not I highly recommend it.  Just be sure you have a box of tissue close by.  Maybe even two boxes. 

There are two lines in the trailor that stick out to me.

 "I want to know what God expects of me"

"I don't want to be a good enough father"

The qualities above of a good wife are great.  Nothing on the list is a bad quality to possess.  But I think they make a good enough wife.  

The main character in Courageous doesn't want to be a good enough father.

Well I don't want to be a good enough wife. 

I want to be the best possible wife I can be.

I want to be the wife God has called me to be.

I want to know what God expects of me.

We are blessed.

We don't have to guess at what makes a good wife.  We don't have to go by some bogus list that comes up in a google search.

God tells us exactly how to be a good wife in his Word.

This quote jumped off the page at me last night as I was reading in Wife After God.

I was reminded that in and of myself I can only be a good enough wife.  I can't be the best wife possible without letting God in my marriage.

I have to be willing to let God mold me into what He wants me to be.  

He is the potter.  I'm just the clay. 

(Isaiah 64:8)

Each day's devotional in this book starts with scripture.  I always write the verses in my own words in my journal.

Last night I felt like God was telling me to go a step further.  To make it personal.  

So I wrote the verses like this.

Andrew can trust me.  I will greatly enrich his life.  I will bring him good, not harm all the days of my life.  

Proverbs 31:11-12

I will not get tired of doing what is good.  I will reap a harvest at just the right time. 

Galatians 6:9

I must accept Andrew's authority so that I might be an example to others.  

1 Peter 3:1-2

Wow!  Talk about being powerful.  Making the scripture about Andrew & me? 

 That's personal.  

That's real!

My verse & prayer for 2014 comes from the book of James.

I want 2014 to be the year where I'm closer to God than I've ever been.  I'm believing Him when he says he will draw near to me.  I pray that as I draw near He will show me how to be more than a good enough wife.  

Opposites Attract

He's tall.  I'm short.

He's logical where I'm emotional.

He's the youngest sibling.  I'm the oldest.

He can talk to anyone whereas I need time to warm up to you.

He reads to learn.  I read for pleasure.

He's confident when I'm unsure.

He's the loud to my quiet.

He's an excellent navigator.  I'm directionally challenged.

He doesn't enjoy amusement parks.  I LOVE them!

He's a go with the flow kind of guy.  I'm a planner.

He gets tired of taking pictures.  I can't get enough of them.

A Happy Marriage

Everyone is sharing some great marriage advice over at Kelly's Korner. The husband and I have been married for 7.5 years. We've not yet perfected the art of marriage. I'll let you know if we ever manage that one.

We have a happy marriage though. The key to our marriage is that it is not between two people. Our marriage isn't just about the two of us. God is involved as well. Without him, I do not believe we would have made this far.

We make each other laugh. We share our lives with one another. We are each other's best friend. We communicate, though not always well. :) We're working on that constantly.

I've done a lot of scrapbooking this week. It has been so nice. I made some major headway on several projects. In fact, I managed to finish "Our First Year of Marriage" scrapbook. It only took me 7.5 years.

As I was flipping through it's pages the other day I read through some advice Andrew and I received before we were married. The guest at our rehearsal dinner wrote their advice to us on an index card. We read them after we were married. They still make me smile.



In no particular order here is the advice we received....

1. Andrew - Eat whatever Elaina cooks and ask for seconds. You can always sneak out and go to Mickey Dees later!
Elaina - Agree with Andrew even when he's wrong. :) Then just gloat inside because you know better.

2. Kiss a lot.

3. Always make time to listen to each other.

4. Andrew - **Communication, **Have fun...you must find ways to do this on a regular basis, **love her like each day is the last, and let her know it regularly, **Trust God!, ** Live Long & Prosper...my brother!
Elaina - **Communication...good luck with this! :), **Have fun, **Be patient...I know you are, or you wouldn't have made it this far, **Trust God!, **Thanks for taking him off our hands and welcome to the family.

5. I love you. You got married! Pryce Billson (This might be my favorite!! I think PB was like 5 at the time. :) )

6. Keep Christ at the center of all things. Think about it, talk about it, and pray about it.

7. Always remember what brought the two of you together. The love that you had in the beginning is what will get you through the years to come. Andrew, treat Elaina like a queen and she'll treat you like a king. Elaina, treat Andrew like our king and he'll treat you like a queen.

8. Andrew - treat Elaina like a queen and she will treat you like a king.
To you both - put Christ in the center of your home, if you will live by His Word, you will have "heave on earth"

9. Don't go to bed angry - settle your disputes before you sleep. Let God be your counselor and you will not need another. Realize that true love only grows and never dies. Always be kind and considerate - treat one another with dignity. Honor God and His church.

10. Andrew - if she knows you love her more than anything you'll be a good husband. always put her first.
Elaina - Support him no matter what! He's an idiot with big dreams, but your support is all he needs.

11. Always maintain your sense of humor. Be each other's best friend & marry rich.

12. My words of advice to you both, are to never go to sleep angry with one another. Be each other's BEST FRIEND! Put God first and then each other. Always find little ways to show each other that you care. And last but certainly not least, always keep your priorities in check.

13. Come see your bubba and make sure you have a bed for him at your place

14. Never go to bed angry! Never keep secrets! Always be open and honest! Keep God first in your lives! Be best friends forever!

15. Learn to share your lives with each other in body, soul, and spirit. Build your relationship on a firm foundation, Christ. He is the only solid rock. Put him 1st and you will have your priorities in order. Learn what it truly means to love someone. If you need help, look to 1 Corinthians 13. Pray together everyday and for each other every day. it always changes things.

16. Don't live too large too fast. Keep God in your marriage and he'll take care of you.



These are words that I will always cherish...some silly...some serious. Andrew and I are blessed to be surrounded by family who loves us and supports us.