There's No Right Way to Wait

Married ten years.  No longer newlyweds.

Yet there aren't any children running around this big ol' house of ours. 

Sometimes I feel like we are the only couple in the world who fits this category.  

It seems like everyone else is either newlyweds or chasing a toddler around the house.

For me the hardest part of this wait for children is the not understanding why.  

I often find myself crying out to God asking why.  Why do we have to wait?  What is it that we are supposed to learn in this wait?

I don't know the answer to that question.  I'm not sure I will ever know the answer to that question.

Andrew & I made an appointment to visit a fertility clinic.  I was convinced that if I could just get some answers as to why it was taking so long that I would feel better.  I would have peace about the situation.

Together we made the decision to cancel that appointment.  It's just not time for us.

For us it is too soon. 

I realize that I could see the very best of fertility doctors and still not receive an answer as to why we have to wait.

That is something only my heavenly Father knows.

Right now I don't trust myself to visit a doctor that specializes in fertility problems and not put all of my hope and faith in that doctor.

I'm trying to believe God.  Not just believe that God did for others and will do for others.  I want to really believe that God will do for me what he says he will do.  I want to grow my faith.

There are times when it seems like we have been trying forever.  But then there are times when I know we haven't been trying all that long and it will happen for us.

One thing I am learning through this journey is that the wait is different for everyone.  I know plenty of couples who after two years were already knee deep in some type of treatment or in the process of adoption.  There's nothing wrong with that.

But it isn't right for us.  At least not right now.

I've learned that everyone has a suggested solution to our situation.  I welcome these suggestions.  I pray about these suggestions.

And then I worry that people will be offended if I don't follow their suggestion.

But in the end Andrew & I have to do what is right for us.  We have to do what we feel comfortable with - what we have peace about.

At this moment, we have peace about continuing to wait.  We believe that it will happen for us and right now we don't believe we need the help of doctors to make that happen.

There is no right way to wait.