The Roller Coaster Ride of Adoption & Infertility

Adoption has a way of being a beautiful distraction.

It is a new dream.

A new path.

I don't mean that to sound like adoption is a second best option because it's not.

I believe it is the best option.

I believe it is the best option because I believe it is God's first option.

But every once in awhile my mind stops dreaming about adoption and slips back into that deep desire to have a biological child.

I'm not sure I will ever stop wondering what it would be like to go through a pregnancy and give birth to a child.

Sometimes I still cry out to God that it just isn't fair.

And then I feel guilty.

God has called me to be an adoptive mom.  

And even though I haven't experience that yet, I'm pretty sure it's going to be the most amazing thing EVER.  

I am incredibly humbled that God would choose me to walk this path, to adopt children into our family, and be their mom.  

I find myself asking Why me? quite often.

Sometimes it is Why me?  Why can't I have babies?

And sometimes...

Sometimes it is Why me?  Why do I get to be the one to adopt?  Why did you choose me for such an amazing thing?  I can't believe you chose me.  

Adoption and infertility make for a roller coaster of emotions.  

Ups and Downs.  

Highs and Lows.  

Thankfully I do not have to ride alone.