October

I love October.  

It felt like fall this weekend and I could not have enjoyed it more.

I think I've blogged about these canvases before.  My sweet and incredibly talented S-I-L, Sara made them for all of us girls one year for Christmas.  There is one for each month.  I love switching them out at the beginning of each month.  Always makes me think about and stop and pray for Sara.

Yesterday I had my last Robotics workshop.  YAY!!  It was fun but I am glad that it is over.  It was held at a local college.  I enjoyed being on campus.  It made me want to go back to school.  Very few things make me happier than being a student with new school supplies and new classes.  I would be a full time student if Andrew would let me.  He always says something about not being able to afford it when I bring it up.

He played golf with the nephews while I was at the workshop.  Apparently they didn't play too well.

After naps we went to the Ozark Trail Festival that was happening down at the courthouse.  Lots of vendors selling all kinds of things and lots of food trucks.  We didn't stay long.  We didn't even enjoy the food trucks.

We bought mums and pumpkins for the front porch.  

We went to our favorite local pizza place where neither one of us ordered pizza.

We came home and watched some college football.

It was a nice day together.

I love my family.

Happy Sunday

Two Thought Tuesday

1. Thirteen years ago today Andrew and I went on our first date.  You can read all about it in this post.  It feels like just yesterday that I was waiting nervously in my dorm room for him to pick me up.  

A few of my favorite pictures...

2. I had another orthodontist appointment today.  I got a new wire and new bands.  I chose purple this time.  I think they are my favorite color so far.

Starting Fall a Few Days Early

I have been in full Fall mode this weekend.

After seeing a couple people post about their new Bath & Body Works candles, I had to go get some of my own.  Social media peer pressure is real y'all.

So far I've burned Pumpkin Apple and Bourbon Butterscotch.  They both smell amazing but Pumpkin Apple is my favorite. They all smell yummy.  It was hard to choose only four.

There is something about Fall that makes me want to bake.  And I don't bake.  I woke up Saturday morning at 6:30.  Boo!  I was wide awake so I decided to go buy groceries.  

It's never a good idea to buy groceries when you are hungry and in the mood to bake.  Especially when there only two people in your house to eat everything you make.  

I made some apple cider muffins for breakfast.  They were yummy! 

I'm not the only one enjoying this fall weather.  Ever since we installed a doggy door we hardly see our Lincoln Baxter anymore.  The little guy loves being outside.

As much as were are loving that fall is right around the corner, we are still enjoying summer too.  We enjoyed a beautiful afternoon on the lake.  Lounging and lunch on The Liberty Belle.

In true fall fashion there were frito chili pies and football.  Razorbacks scored their third win of the season.  WPS!

And for dessert?

Cheesecake on a reese's cup of course.

It's one of our favorites.

Throwback Thursday: Who Are Those Kids?

Our first Christmas card photo shoot with Uncle Kevin.

Pre-furbabies.

Newlyweds.

I barely even recognize these two kids.

Smiling

I snapped this picture today at lunch while sitting at Sonic.  I just wanted to document my smile today.  Today was the first time that I have really smiled in several days.  Last week when I received another "Not Yet" it sent me into a state of depression.  It always hurts when another month goes by without a pregnancy but this time it was especially painful.

Sixty days is unheard of for me.  My cycle is usually very regular.  I know from tests that I do ovulate, but I'm pretty sure I didn't last month.  I have no idea why.  I just felt like my body was giving up and shutting down. 

I did the same.  I gave up and shut down.  

But you guys....you guys lifted me up in prayer.  I cannot even begin to say thank you for all your prayers.  It is so incredibly humbling to hear someone say I've been on their heart and they pray for me often.  Someone I have never met let me know that she has been praying for me daily.  I just don't even know what to do with that.  I am so thankful.  There are just no words.

We serve a God who never leaves us.  He is with us always even in our darkest days.  

It has felt so good to smile today and to praise God through the storm.

Hanging on to Hope

Sixty days.

That's the length of my last cycle.

It's a new record.

My body frustrates me.

Despite four negative tests and the fact that I had no signs of pregnancy part of me still believed that I was in fact pregnant, that this was my month.  Why else would my body torture me with the a cycle that seemed to last forever?  I let my hopes get so high that I scheduled a blood test at a local clinic in town for Thursday afternoon.  I didn't tell Andrew because I just knew I was going to be able to surprise him with good news.

And then I went to the bathroom.  

There was no need for a blood test.

Once again another cycle that didn't result in a pregnancy. 

I'm not sure how I  made it through the rest of the afternoon.  I felt like I was on autopilot trying not to break down in front of a room full of 6th graders.

As soon as I got in my car that afternoon the tears came.  

Oh the tears came.

To put it mildly I threw a screaming kicking fit.  I wanted to give up.  A part of me did give up.  I wanted to tell everyone we were never having kids.  I'm sorry to disappoint everyone but we all need to move on.  I needed the option to disappear.  I needed it to be a non-issue.

It wasn't pretty.  

As if the pain wasn't enough I came home to a package I had ordered a few weeks ago.  A sweet little shirt that says miracle baby.

I cried even harder.

It's funny because while the beginning of a new cycle can cause more pain than I could ever begin to describe to you, it also brings a new hope.  It's a new opportunity to try again.  It's another chance for God to bless us beyond our wildest dreams.

This journey of waiting is not an easy one.  Some days it seems unbearable.  

But I have hope.  Some have called it naivety.  But I KNOW that I serve a God who hears my cries, who knows the desires of my heart, and who loves me more than I could ever imagine.

His mercies are new each and every morning.