Wednesday, June 13, 2012

My Own Test

Two months ago today Liberty & Liam disappeared from our backyard when a picket fell off our fence.  It was not a good day.  Many tears were shed.  At the time, Andrew was on a vacation visiting with high school friends along the east coast.  Shortly after he came home, Liberty found her way home.  Two days later I left to take a group of students to Washington D.C. for four days.     Liam is still out there somewhere.  School came to an end which means a crazy time for me.

I allowed Satan to convince me to use the craziness that was our life for a couple of months as an excuse to walk away from God.  I wasn't angry at God and I didn't purposefully walk away from Him.  But I did put him at the bottom of my priority list.  I wasn't communicating with him.  I wasn't spending time in the Word.  I wasn't spending much time in prayer other than to ask for things I wanted.  I wasn't going to church.  

Let me just tell you, once you know the Lord and live life with Him, to live life without Him is miserable.  It was just in the last couple of weeks that I realized how little time I was spending on my relationship with the Lord.  I'm thankful he gave me a desire to work on that relationship.

I'm back in church and I don't know that I've enjoyed it this much since I first accepted Christ as my Savior.  I am falling in love with Him all over again and loving every minute of it.  I just want to share His love and what He has done for me with everyone I know.

I signed up for a Bible study at our church this summer.  At first I was torn between two different studies: one at church - the other with my sister-in-law and a group of ladies she knows.  I prayed about it and really felt God was pointing me in the direction of the one at church.  It is The Inheritance by Beth Moore.  If you have ever listened to Beth Moore speak, you know how good she is.  For the past two Tuesday evenings, I've been in tears because I've felt such a deep thankfulness for my Lord and His love for me.

Beth has shared so many things that I want to share.  Last night we spent the majority of our time in Genesis 22 where God ask Abraham to sacrifice his son, Isaac.  

Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!”

Beth pointed out that God called Abraham by his name.  When I'm being tested, He calls me by name.  He says, "Elaina, here is your test."  Unfortunately he doesn't say it that clear.  But I don't share my test with anyone else.

The Bible tells us that our husbands are the head of our household and as wives we are to submit to our husbands.  

Sometimes this seems so simple to me.  I'm blessed with a husband who knows the Lord and wants what is best for me and our family.  

That in its own way creates a challenge for me all to often.

I find that I don't always take responsibility for my own relationship with God.  I depend on Andrew to take care of that for me.  But it's not his job.  That is not at all what God meant by saying men were to lead their families.

My relationship with God is mine.  No one else's.  My test are my own.  Andrew's test are his own.  That's not to say we will never be tested in the same area, but just because my husband is being tested doesn't mean I am being tested in that same area at that exact time.

I'm stilling learning the difference between submitting to my husband and allowing him to lead while at the same time taking responsibility for my relationship with God and listening to what He calls me to do.

Andrew and I work in two separate places.  Though we are one in marriage, we have our own separate little worlds where we called to be lights.  Andrew can't witness for me to my coworkers or my students or the parents that I'm in contact with.  God called me to do that.  I'm responsible for me.

I want to leave you with a verse that I came across in my quiet time a few days ago.  I'm not sure why but it has really stuck with me.

Our lives are in his hands, and he keeps our feet from stumbling.   
Psalm 66:9


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