Sunday, December 28, 2014

It's Not a Cure

I believe God has called us to grow our family through adoption.  

I believe it has been God's plan all along.

Yet, adoption is not a cure for infertility.  As a woman, the desire to carry a child within me and give birth to that child has not disappeared.  .

I have shared with family members that I feel like I am expecting, just not in the traditional way.  I have already fallen in love with my children and I pray for them every day even though I have not met them yet.   I already feel like a mom.  I just don't have the usual nine months to prepare for a newborn.  I have an unknown amount of time to prepare for children of unknown ages.

I have such peace and joy about this new journey so I was not expecting the wave of emotion that flooded over me a few weeks ago.

We were looking at some old pictures when we came across this picture of Andrew (on the right) and his brother Cary.

My heart broke instantly.

Our kids won't look like us.  

Maybe it is silly or even unreasonable.  But in that moment I was absolutely heartbroken that we aren't preparing to bring home a mini-me or a mini-Andrew.

Will I love my child any less because he or she doesn't look like us?  Absolutely not.

Will he or she be any less my child because he or she doesn't look like us?  Absolutely not.

But the pain was still there.  

It was in that moment of seeing that picture that I realized even though this journey of adoption is absolutely the right one for us, my desire to have a biological child may never go away.

Adoption is not a cure for infertility.  


  1. All the thoughts you are having are normal. It's okay...I too had those feelings and thoughts. We then got our beautiful daughter through adoption. You are so right...adoption is not a cure for infertility!
    Oh Elaina I'm here praying for you.
    God Bless You!
    Take care.
    From a reader in Wisconsin

    1. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. It's nice to know I'm not completely crazy in my feelings. :)

  2. Your thoughts and emotions are totally normal. I believe that God designed and wired us to have the desire to create life. While I believe that adoption is in God's plan for you, I still hold out the hope and belief that you will also conceive. Nothing is impossible for Him. Nothing is too hard. No amount of sickness can stand in His way from fulfilling the deepest desires of your heart. Love you sugars and I can't wait to see how the journey towards parenthood unfolds for you two love birds. xo

    1. Thank you sweet friend. I am believing too that God will allow me to conceive in His perfect timing.

      You have been such an encouragement to me. Praying and believing that you too will soon conceive.

  3. Thinking of you friend! trusting God won't take you down a path without preparing you for what He has!!!

  4. So true! One of the wonderful things, however, that facing infertility has given me as I raise my adopted daughter-- is an understanding of brokenness. Her life story was "broken" when she was adopted away from her birth mom (and in her case, it was broken several more times!) and MY story was broken when I could not conceive.

    I pray that God uses the loss that you've faced to help bring healing to the little one He gives you. <3

    1. I love this! Thank you for sharing.

      And can I just say I'm giddy that you read and commented on my little blog. :)